to run or not to run

waiting by the door....

waiting by the door….

I love to run!  I love saying I’m a runner!  I love wearing running clothes! I think I really hate the running part, though.
I imagine that most people have a yin-yang in their day.  Mine is this to-run-or-not-to-run dilemma, which starts with my first thought:  Today, I’m going to run!  And ends with my last:  I can’t believe I didn’t run today!  It would seem, time allowing/weather permitting, I’d be off to run. Instead, the debate begins every morning as my Good-Self tells my Bad-Self: Run like the wind, Bullseye!  And my Bad-Self pours another cup of coffee.
All day, I’m consumed by one thought:  I hate when I don’t run! I should simply run when I’m warmed up, but by the time I am, my blood sugar plummets, and I find myself heading toward the couch, instead of out the door.
And, when I’m out the door, all I can think about is returning home. How  much farther? How long have I been running? What’s my pace? How many calories did I burn? Do I have food at home? Did I forget my water bottle again? How did this song get on my play list? These shoes must be the wrong size. Do I look thinner moving?
Even with the constant reminding of my sneakers waiting by the door, beckoning me to-run-or-not-to-run–surprisingly, I’ve missed my peak, again. And, after all this debating, I’m too tired to think about it anymore, because now my blood sugar is dropping.
So I’ll pour one more cup of coffee, while I’m looking up tomorrow’s forecast, trying to approximate the best time to run.  Although, I  think my “best time to run” ship has sailed.
Left to my ruminations and a now cold cup of coffee—both of which I’m beginning to look forward to each morning, I realize that the days I actually do run, are a celebration that I still can—even though on most days, the part where I’m running like the wind Bullseye!—is in my mind.
In reality, I’m absolutely relishing that second cup of joe, gazing over at those slightly worn-out sneakers—relishing an even bigger thought:  those sneakers didn’t get that way just sitting by the door, somebody took them out for a spin or two.
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