suicide for just one….please

Thailand

Cappuccino for Two–Suicide for One…please

I always sigh a breath of relieve when a suicide takes just one physical body with it and, on a morning such as this, maybe others see it this way, too.

I am distraught as to what went through the mind of a 20-year-old and what he must have carried in his heart yesterday.  I am distraught over what I imagine as an unimaginable scene of terror.  And, I am distraught that with all the turmoil set-off in his mind by something which we don’t know now and may never know—he failed to keep it private inviting others into his personal hell.

It just seems that suicide should be a silent end to a distressed heart. It just seems that suicide should be a silent end to a tumultuous mind.  It just seems that suicide should be a silent end to a mind which succumbs to the other side of logic.  It just seems that suicide, with God’s compassion, should be a date-for-one as its host sinks into a silent abyss.

Yes, we would love to save them…..save them all but sometimes we miss the signs so we can’t…..

I have friends who have lost loved ones to suicide.  Even the mention of suicide to them causes an angst that is visibly seen as it strickens the features on their face, removing them from the moment and hurling them back to that saddened and darkened place—the moment of first learning the finality of a much cherished life.

My words of comfort always seem to fall on deafened ears—ones that just can’t endure another explanation and yet, I add to that noise by saying, “…at least he didn’t take anyone with him,” to which they always force themselves to reply something acknowledgingly inaudible.

I usually feel hard-hearted, calculating, and insincere when I offer these words, yet I just can’t seem to exhibit enough self-discipline to just simply shut-up about it.

Today, I think of it again.  Today, it seems fitting.  Today, I think how wonderful it would be if it were just one life gone, or, am I inappropriate again. Wouldn’t it have been so much better if the one who left us “almost” of his own free will—almost because I sincerely believe that his mind overruled his heart as his heart overruled his mind causing despair—the worst state of mind—lured him out of his earthly hell.

I don’t know the details—they are still unfurling.  I’ve only glossed over the images and statements in the headlines and know that innocence has left this world without invitation—a total infringement of their rights….their fundamental right to live and their fundamental right to choose whether or not to.

Yesterday, 20 wonderful children and 6 wonderful adults went into a school.  Yesterday, 20 wonderful children and 6 wonderful adults were carried out of that school—their final unimaginable moments imagined by us all as these wonderful beings were taken from us needlessly…..

So, I ask you now…..

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if yesterday had been a suicide for just one?

7 thoughts on “suicide for just one….please

  1. Alexis, what you said takes marbles; I happen to agree with you.

    Options are always available to help those that don’t feel well. I think it’s about time we start talking about this stuff; making it known country-wide. Hotlines, websites, support groups, affordable counseling, etc — it should be made visible now — for everyone.

    It’s a shame what happened. I think all of the contributing factors need to be identified and addressed. It’s more than just a “sick person” in my opinion. People aren’t born that way, they become that way.

    What do you think makes a person do something like that? What caused that mindset?

    • I can’t help but look at it poetically–I believe this was the only way he could free himself from his despair. Doesn’t his choice of targets say something? Some tumultuous pre-adolescent years? The poetry is in this: we all let him slip away–we all failed him–every one of us who’s mumbling…..coulda-shoulda-woulda, in this aftermath. He was everyone’s child and what did we do with him? Diagnose…treat…counsel….befriend? People need People. Just think how differently the world would be revolving today if someone somewhere in this kid’s life took a giant leap toward him and fixed what was starting to break or already broken–

  2. I don’t know what to say… It is so complicated and what I feel when I read this is complicated. However, I do agree that it was needless and selfish for him to kill so many other people when he was planning on leaving this world, regardless.

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